so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
be right there i have to get my cape
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
