I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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