The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
