take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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