You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
