OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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