Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
