Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
