Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
