fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
