erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
