My nipple is on Facebook.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
