the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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