So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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