he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
