So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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