I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
