no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
