I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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