Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
