1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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