1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
