shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
