Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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