Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
