u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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