i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
