It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize