mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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