If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
