Tell her she can't have a vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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