My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize