Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
