4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
