why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
