Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
