dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
