Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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