She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize