Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
either way he was missing a nipple.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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