I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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