Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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