So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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