Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
