Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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