and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
