He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
