You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
