I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
