was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
