I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
