can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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