guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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