I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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