Please, let me fuck your mom
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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