happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
