If i come over, it means nothing
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I touched a dick in church today
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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