the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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