I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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