i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
