You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
