Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
