the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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