you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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