Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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