I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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