I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
