You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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