roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
