I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
