chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
