We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
