She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
