maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
