My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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