I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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