Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
