im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
3pm strippers are depressing
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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