Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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