No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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