Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
