You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
