I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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