Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
