Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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