I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
