It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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