12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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