She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
