In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
