I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
