New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
