The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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