I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
