Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
