i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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