So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
