it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
