I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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