why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
