Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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