i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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