I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
