He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
