batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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