I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize