I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
