And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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